“It Ends With Us,” is a film adaptation of Colleen Hoover’s bestselling novel, featuring Blake Lively as Lily Bloom and Justin Baldoni as Ryle Kincaid. The narrative delves into the complexities of domestic abuse, generational trauma, and the journey toward self-empowerment. Beyond its cinematic appeal, this film offers profound insights that resonate deeply with women (and men). Particularly those interested in self-care, personal growth, and relationships. Let’s delve deeper and see why that is so.
Understanding the Cycle of Abuse and The Impact of Generational Trauma
The film portrays Lily’s tumultuous relationship with Ryle, highlighting the painful reality that abusive behavior doesn’t have to be extreme or recurrent for one to prioritize their well-being and choose to leave. This narrative underscores the importance of recognizing one’s worth and the necessity of setting boundaries.
A significant theme in “It Ends With Us” is generational trauma. Lily’s experiences mirror the abusive patterns she witnessed in her parents’ relationship. It is only illustrating how such behaviors can unconsciously influence one’s choices. Psychologically, this aligns with studies on social learning theory, which suggest that individuals often model behaviors observed in their early environment.
Empowerment Through Self-Awareness
Lily’s journey is one of self-discovery and empowerment. By acknowledging her past and its influence on her present, she takes proactive steps to break the cycle of abuse. This narrative encourages viewers to reflect on their own lives, emphasizing that self-awareness is a crucial step toward personal growth and healthier relationships.
For decades, domestic violence and generational trauma have been whispered about behind closed doors, often shrouded in stigma and shame. “It Ends With Us” forces these conversations into the open, making them impossible to ignore. When we discuss films like this, we do more than analyze a piece of entertainment. We validate the experiences of survivors and challenge the societal norms that allow abuse to persist.
Breaking the Silence Around Domestic Abuse
One of the most powerful aspects of It Ends With Us is how it dismantles the dangerous myth that abuse must be extreme or frequent to be considered “real”. Many people assume that unless physical violence results in visible injuries, it is not serious enough to justify leaving a relationship. This misconception keeps countless victims trapped in toxic and harmful environments. It is also convincing them that what they’re experiencing isn’t “bad enough” to walk away from.
Lily’s story is a striking example of how abuse (whether physical or psychological) is not always black and white. It exists on a spectrum. Like many victims, she experiences moments of love and warmth with Ryle. That make it even harder to acknowledge his violent outbursts as abuse. Many people in similar situations believe that because their partner isn’t abusive all the time, it must mean that the good moments outweigh the bad. This is a dangerous narrative that downplays the lasting damage of emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse.
Scientific research supports the idea that non-physical abuse can be just as, if not more, damaging than physical violence. A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that victims of emotional abuse often experience anxiety, depression, and PTSD-like symptoms that persist long after the abusive relationship has ended. These effects are strikingly similar to those suffered by survivors of physical violence. The absence of physical bruises does not mean the wounds are not real. Emotional wounds can take longer to heal. It is mostly because they erode self-worth, making it harder for victims to recognize their own value and seek help.
Manipulation is Also Form of Abuse
One particularly insidious form of non-physical abuse is gaslighting. Here an abuser manipulates their victim into doubting their own memory, perception, or reality. This tactic makes victims question their own experiences, making it harder for them to stand up for themselves or seek support. An example in It Ends With Us is when Ryle minimizes his violent outbursts, trying to convince Lily that they are isolated incidents and not reflective of who he truly is. Many victims of abuse hear similar justifications: “I didn’t mean it,” “I just lost control for a second,” or “It won’t happen again.” These excuses manipulate victims into staying, often until the cycle escalates further.
By bringing attention to these subtler yet equally destructive forms of abuse, It Ends With Us challenges the outdated notion that only extreme cases warrant action. Discussing this film openly helps victims recognize the signs of abuse early and understand that any form of mistreatment—whether physical, emotional, verbal, or psychological—is enough reason to leave. No one should wait for things to “get worse” before deciding to prioritize their safety and well-being no matter how good their spouse appears to be during the good times.
Shedding Light on Generational Trauma
Another deeply impactful theme in It Ends With Us is the way trauma can be unconsciously passed down through generations. Lily, like many real-life survivors, finds herself in a relationship eerily similar to the one she witnessed growing up. Despite knowing the pain her mother endured, she still falls into a similar cycle with Ryle. This is not because she wants to, but because generational trauma influences behavior in ways many people don’t realize.
The concept of generational trauma is supported by psychological research. Studies from the American Psychological Association indicate that children who grow up witnessing abuse often internalize unhealthy relationship dynamics and unconsciously replicate them in adulthood. This happens through learned behaviors, coping mechanisms, and even genetic changes. A child who grows up associating love with control, fear, or manipulation may struggle to recognize when a relationship is unhealthy, simply because it feels familiar.
Lily’s internal struggle reflects the experience of many children who have grown up in households where any form of abuse was normalized. Despite vowing never to end up like her mother, she still finds herself trapped in the same cycle. This phenomenon occurs because children often model relationships based on what they see rather than what they intellectually know is right. A study from the National Library of Medicine explains that children of domestic abuse survivors are significantly more likely to enter into abusive relationships themselves, even if they were certain they never would.
It Goes Beyond the Relationships
This cycle is not limited to romantic relationships. Generational trauma can also manifest in how we respond to conflict, our ability to set boundaries, and our expectations for love and respect. For example. If a child grows up in a household where emotions were dismissed or punished, they may struggle to express their feelings in adulthood, believing that suppressing emotions is the norm. Similarly, if they grew up watching a parent constantly forgive an abuser or excuse their behavior, they might unconsciously adopt the same tolerance for mistreatment in their own relationships.
What makes It Ends With Us particularly powerful is that Lily actively makes the decision to break the cycle. She recognizes that, despite her deep love for Ryle, she cannot allow her daughter to grow up witnessing the same patterns she did. This decision—choosing to leave not just for herself, but to protect future generations—is one of the most courageous acts in the entire film.
Discussing this aspect of the movie is crucial because it encourages viewers to examine their own upbringing and patterns. Have you ever excused behavior because it was what you were used to? Have you ever found yourself repeating a cycle you swore you’d break? Bringing these patterns into conscious awareness is the first step toward change. When we talk about It Ends With Us, we empower more women to recognize generational trauma in their own lives and take steps to stop it from continuing.
A Call to Reflect and Act
Watching “It Ends With Us” is more than just an emotional experience—it’s a call to action. The film serves as a mirror, reflecting the experiences of many women. Especially of those who have struggled with manipulation, aggression, and the difficult decision to walk away.
Choosing Yourself is Not Selfish—It’s Necessary
Many women are conditioned to endure toxic relationships for the sake of love, family, or social expectations. “It Ends With Us” delivers an important message: choosing yourself is not selfish—it is essential for survival.
Psychological research supports this. Studies on self-worth and decision-making in abusive relationships indicate that women who prioritize their own well-being and recognize their right to a safe and healthy relationship are more likely to leave toxic situations and rebuild fulfilling lives (Journal of Interpersonal Violence, https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0886260519867151).
When we talk about this film, we give women permission to choose themselves. We provide support, validation, and community. All things that are critical in empowering someone to take that first step toward freedom.
Final Thoughts: Why This Conversation Matters
It Ends With Us isn’t just a heartbreaking love story—it’s a wake-up call. It teaches us that abuse is never justified, that breaking cycles is possible, and that self-worth should never be compromised. Lily’s journey is a powerful reminder that choosing yourself is not just about survival—it’s about creating a better future.
The most impactful moment of the film comes at the very end. It is when Lily holds her newborn daughter and tells her: “It ends here. It ends with us.” This is more than just a personal decision—it’s a profound metaphor for breaking generational trauma. Lily realizes that the cycle of abuse that started with her parents, and repeated in her own life, must not continue with her child. By walking away from Ryle, despite loving him, she makes the ultimate sacrifice. All this to ensure that her daughter will never grow up believing that love and pain should coexist.
This moment is a symbolic act of ending a cycle that has been passed down for generations. The phrase “It ends with us” represents more than just Lily’s personal choice. It’s a message to every survivor that change is possible, no matter how deeply rooted the trauma is. Lily refuses to let history repeat itself. And in doing so, she offers hope to every woman who has ever felt trapped by the patterns of their past.
Watching the film is an act of awareness; discussing it is an act of empowerment. It is through these conversations that we validate survivors’ experiences, educate ourselves and others. That is how we can create a culture where no one feels alone in their struggles.
So let’s talk about it. Let’s share our insights, our reflections, and our voices. Because the more we talk, the more we break the silence. And when the silence breaks, healing begins.
MSc. Ivona Harčar
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